Birthday marked with more than visit to zoo
by Jon and Michael Galluccio

Our gift to Adam will not just be a trip to the zoo, but a lesson in democracy as we exercise our right to be heard on Capitol Hill.

For most children, turning 3 is a normal part of growing up. For Adam it was no less than a miracle. When he was born, Adam tested positive for HIV and Hepatitis C, among other infections. At birth, Adam was seriously addicted to crack and had been heavily exposed to other drugs. He nearly died several times. Much of his early life was spent in the hospital under strict supervision. Life has not been easy.

But now this healthy toddler announces proudly, "I’m 3!"

At his young age, Adam has become quite notable. Not as a result of his miraculous development, but through a different battle; a battle that we, his parents, had to wage against the state of New Jersey on his behalf.

We are Jon and Michael. Men who, in their early 30s, had rid themselves of the internal homophobic demons reinforcing the idea that Gay men could not be fathers. Adam became our son. The state acknowledged that we were outstanding foster parents to the baby. So good that the Division of Youth and Family Services recommended that we adopt him. A lifelong dream was being realized.

Soon, however, things began falling apart. The division told us that we could not adopt Adam as a couple. State policy said that "unmarried" couples could not adopt a child together. The division said that since Michael was employed (Jon stayed at home as Adam’s primary caregiver), he should proceed alone. Jon could petition later for a second-parent adoption.

This option was unfair and wrong. Not only was it wrong for us, but it was also not in Adam’s best interests. If Michael died, Jon would not have the right to even seek custody of Adam. Our child could lose both parents. Moreover, the state’s position virtually negated our 16-year relationship and our family.

We sued the state of New Jersey and won. We were able to adopt Adam jointly. In an out-of-court settlement, New Jersey became the first state in the nation to have an official policy prohibiting the state from discriminating against Gay couples in the matter of adoption. The Division of Youth and Family Services’ own director would announce how pleased she was with the new policy because it would create additional families for the thousands of children abandoned to the state.

In many ways, we are still fighting for Adam, and he has come to represent innumerable other children. He represents the ones "lost" in foster care because they are too sick, too old, or the wrong race. There are so many children in state-run homes because there aren’t enough families to take them all.

Now helpless children are being used as political pawns. They are prisoners of a crusade by the religious right to rid — or shall we say "cure" — the nation of homosexuality.

One of the more vocal players in this "religious war" is the Family Research Council. They claim to be motivated by compassion. However, the council’s newsletter, Culture Facts, which attacked our family in a column entitled "Who’s Raising Adam," unmasks this compassion as hatred and bigotry. We imagine they must find Adam’s success quite upsetting. It must be hard to accept that God chose homosexuals to help bring this boy to life. We wrote a letter in response to Family Research Council President Gary L. Bauer, but have received no response.

So what is our third birthday gift to Adam? This year he’ll get a trip to the zoo! Not just any zoo. We’re taking him to the wonderful National Zoo in Washington, D.C. Adam loves animals and is already talking about seeing the elephants. Because Gay families are under siege, we will be traveling to the nation’s capital to speak at the National ACLU Briefing on Sept. 16. We will also be speaking at OutVote 98, sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign, on Sept. 18. Both of these focus on family issues. We will also be meeting with senators and members of Congress to introduce them to our family, a family under attack through appropriations bill amendments, advertising campaigns, and private newsletters, among other ways.

Both in the halls of Congress and at the National Zoo, we will show Washington — and the world — that we are an American family. Our gift to Adam will not just be a trip to the zoo, but a lesson in democracy as we exercise our right to be heard on Capitol Hill. It may take a few years before he appreciates Congress as much as he appreciates the panda, but if we all stand up now for America’s lost children and the parents who would adopt them, Adam will grow up to be glad.

Join us at the zoo in celebrating Adam’s third birthday on Sept. 18. Adam, who has come to represent so much, would love to see you and so would we.

Jon and Michael Gallucio won the right to jointly adopt their son Adam in October 1997. They live in Maywood, N.J.

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