Fathers know Best
Jon and Michael Galluccio prove that love makes a family

Michael and Jon Galluccio are raising their family in a renovated fraternity house in New Jersey.

by Christopher Carbone
NY and Washington Blade

Relaxing in their Paterson, N.J., living room, Jon and Michael Galluccio seem the epitome of contented, suburban couplehood. The two men, partners for almost 19 years, have recently penned An American Family (St. Martin's, hardcover, $24.95), an intimate look at the struggles, triumphs, and minutiae of their everyday lives since they decided to have a family.

It's fitting that their home used to be a fraternity house, because Jon, 37, and Michael, 38, met as college students and ended up rooming together. The road from that earlier fraternity house to their current one wasn't always easy.

Co-authored by David Groff, An American Family is alternately narrated by Jon and Michael, and traces their story from 1996 -- when they brought Adam, born HIV-positive and addicted to drugs, into their home -- through two more adoptions and the resulting family reactions, public battles, and media scrutiny. After being denied the right to legally adopt Adam, their foster son, they fought the state of New Jersey. Their courtroom victory in 1997 led to a change in state policy that allows unmarried couples -- regardless of sexual orientation -- to jointly adopt.

Out of the thousands of letters and e-mails they've received, Jon says that only six have been negative, and those were from religious organizations. Although their impact on adoption policy is significant, the Galluccios have taken their strength from the outpouring of public support. Still, they're keeping their eyes on legal battles now that the GOP has taken back the White House.

"We've been through our two steps forward, and now we're going to take one step back," Michael says.

"Bush is already on record as being against families like ours," Jon says. "Personally I would like to meet him and hand him a book. I think most of these people go by their own internal homophobia, and act on what they know."

"A good number of the people we've come across have said something to the effect of, 'I would've thought I had a problem with this -- until I learned more,'" Michael adds.

Although Jon is quick to emphasize that their family "is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination," the Galluccios maintain a household, take care of their children, and still find time to promote their book. How do they do it?

"My biggest strength is patience. And his biggest strength is when I don't have any more patience, having the ability of taking care of me," Jon says, with a smile. Jon is the primary caregiver for Adam, 5, Madison, 4, Rosa, 18, and their grandchild, Rosa's daughter Maryanna, 4 months. Jon and Michael rarely disagree, and when they do, they say, their kids never see it.

An average day in the Galluccio house begins at 5:30 a.m., when Michael, known as "Father," goes to work. At 6:30, "Daddy" Jon is up to make breakfast, pack lunches, and get everyone washed and dressed for the day. Adam's bus arrives at 7:30. Rosa takes Maryanna to daycare before going to school. Jon drives Madison to school. Then it's home to clean up the whirlwind of dirty plates, pajamas, and toys. Madison and Adam return in the afternoon, and then Jon prepares dinner. When Michael gets home, he's in charge, because, as Jon puts it, "I'm fried."

Michael knows what his role will be upon entering the house after work: "If they come running up laughing, we spend the rest of the night playing. We have a great time," he says. "If they come up with their heads down, then I have to come in and be the father."

After dinner, they play with the kids, or maybe watch a movie on the Disney channel.

"Then they go to bed and we drop from exhaustion, and say 'Hello' to each other," Michael says.

Adam is developmentally delayed and hyperactive, so he's attending pre-kindergarten for disabled children, with plans to go mainstream in the future. Adam and Madison will attend private schools in the future, which has always been the plan, because the family members lead public lives. The Galluccios have a full house, and say they don't plan to adopt again at this point.

Jon and Michael are raising their children to be responsible citizens and to appreciate diversity, but they aren't taking any chances, knowing full well the harassment they might face.

"They understand already in some ways that people can be hateful," Jon says, adding that Nickelodeon taught them about name-calling. Until it's an appropriate time to introduce them to words like "faggot," they know that calling someone "pizza-head" can hurt, Jon says.

Studies estimate anywhere from 6 to 14 million children nationwide live with at least one Gay parent. According the ACLU -- Jon is also on the board of trustees of the ACLU's New Jersey chapter -- over 22 states have allowed Gay people to adopt children, either through state-run or private adoption agencies. What advice would the Galluccios offer to aspiring Gay parents? They answer in unison: "Go to therapy."

Also, Jon and Michael reserve weekly time alone for themselves, Michael says.

"What they don't say [about relationships] is that you need to work really hard at it. ... That's something we didn't grasp for, like, 13 years -- we didn't focus on core issues between us," Jon says. "People need to realize that you can continue to talk and challenge each other and inspire each other."