Spring is here. With splendor and majesty, the forces of nature begin their period of renewal. As the days get longer, the light shines brighter and all around us we see rebirth and new growth, all of which is brilliantly displayed with all the colors of the rainbow. As the rainbow signifies Gods promise to us of better days ahead, so to the earth gives promise to us. In all its glory as it awakens from the cold dark winter it proves and challenges all of us to awake and reborn.
Where are we going with all this spring stuff? Well to a different sort of newsletter. We intend to share with you our experiences over the past year and a half. We want to try to help you see how our souls, each vastly different yet the same, continue to grow and be transformed (as if fatherhood was not enough of a transformation!) Sure you have seen schedule after schedule of where we are off to next but we have not taken time to help you understand the motivation behind our journey. There is no secret mission here, our purpose is clear. We hope that by bearing our souls we can touch yours. We look to move you to a point of action. Do not panic, action comes in many forms. From silent prayer to marching on Washington, there is plenty for all of us. We all can fit into the struggle for human rights; it is only a question of where?
Two men have touched us more powerfully then most. They are The Reverend Mel White of the Metropolitan Community Church and the Right Reverend Bishop John Shelby Spong of the Episcopal Diocese of Newark. Both of these men teach about prejudice and the power of truth and love that is needed in overcoming it. Their teachings are so simplistic that it amazes us that we have not wiped prejudice off the face of the earth but then we are reminded of the basic human truths of the blind who will not see. We have learned that the natural instincts of fear and misunderstanding can grow so great, in some, that they become character traits more impenetrable than the Berlin Wall. However, like the Berlin wall, which was breached by the power of what is right, these traits too will turn to dust. We know that by looking at other teachers like Ghandi and King who brought walls down that no one could envision.Like King and Ghandi, Spong and White challenge every one of us to be who we are, who we were meant to be, divinely bestowed upon us by our creator. We have found more power within ourselves through this one message. The power comes from our dignity and dignity comes from truth. Our teachers speak of love and compassion for our oppressors but that does not translate to inaction or apathy. We are most powerful against those that would change us by just being who we are - visibly! In our hearts and minds, we are convinced that this alone has moved more people away from hatred and bigotry. This allowed for our legal victory in New Jersey. King said "Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love." We know this to be true.
Daniel, a fifteen-year-old from Michigan wrote us recently. His letter was filled with pain and confusion. He unfolded his story of how a friend of his "outed" him to his parents. In God's name, his parents had damned him and he did not know how to go on with life. He asked for help. We responded immediately and sent a letter back to him at his home in Michigan. One week later, the letter was returned unopened and on the front of the envelope someone wrote "Moved, where abouts unknown, return to sender." It is haunting that the whereabouts of this fifteen-year-old are unknown. Yet, many letters we receive are from teenagers who have been forced from their homes by their own parents upon learning who their children really are. In the name of God, parents are rejecting and abandoning their own children. We wonder in what kind of God must they believe. It deeply saddens us and moves us to a place in which we must venture to help, not only these children, but also the parents that would commit such actions. Our parents teach us about the unconditional love of family. Imagine the despondent pain when a child learns that, in their family, this only stands true to a point.
Brian and Rodney, a long-term stable gay couple from Ohio, where approved jointly to adopt children by an Ohio agency. They were made aware of a sibling group (3 in all) in Texas that desperately needed a permanent family and applied and were approved by the Texas Department of Protective and Regulatory Services for placement of this sibling group. After receiving approval for placement of these children with their family, a supervisor halted the proceeding in an attempt to find a different home. They contacted us as a family in crisis, much as we were in September of 1996. Upon notification of their intent to sue and not back down, a new administrator, a Texas "Rose" so to speak, entered the picture and granted them final approval. They are now all working on the process of adopting these children. One person's homophobia almost kept these children from receiving a loving permanent family. However, truth and love won out again. Brian and Rodney look forward to bringing their children home by July.
Tania, a Home Finder, with the Adoption Resource Center of the Division of Youth and Family Services of New Jersey, says she was very pleased with the Holden - Galluccio decision as it has paved the way for other couples to become parents. In watching the newest wave of applicants, she noticed that homosexual couples are more accepting of those unwanted and older children, giving possibilities and hope especially to children over three or four years. It is well known that once a child is out of the toddler stage, the chances of adoption decrease substantially. The new gay couples entering the program are happily making these kids part of their family.
Our favorite line. Many gay men have commented to us that upon coming out to their parents, one of the first reactions was, "Now I will never have grandchildren". Now, because of our case, they nag even harder then before! "How come those boys in NJ can give their mothers grandchildren but you won't do that for me?" - is more or less how it goes.
Another favorite line. "If I give you his number, will you talk to my (gay) son about having children. I am sure he wants them, he just doesn't know how, maybe you can talk some sense into him."
Universal truth. Whenever we speak to a younger straight audience, a university for example, we are inundated with comments like "It doesn't make any sense, why should you be treated differently?" It gives us so much hope that the young heterosexual world consists of so many fair minded future leaders of America.
From Alaska to Florida, from Hawaii to Maine, across the United States our message of true family values is being heard and understood. The message of truth and love is not just for Americans. People in places as far away as China, Finland, Argentina, Canada, Brazil, Spain, England, France, Japan, South Africa, Korea, Poland, and the Philippines and beyond have reached back to us with love and support. Nevertheless, yes, there is more to do. We wrote the following
It may seem to many that we have done much. We say we are simply living our lives. The difference may be that we are uncompromising of the truth that we are just two of God's creatures, no better and no worse, than all the other creatures He has created. We have fought our own devils that had led us to believe we were different, that this difference made us less than. By grasping the truth and the love that God himself has blessed us with in our souls, we can no longer move to accommodate others who disagree. We can welcome, however, our fellow man into our hearts to learn of our equality. This can not be done sitting home. We must expose ourselves for our own sake, the sake of our children and for our brothers and sisters throughout the world that are being persecuted, discriminated against and yes even killed.
If the inequalities, the injustices, the suffering remain invisible, then no one will be moved towards the truth. It is only through visibility and our provocation that those that are blind will be forced to see. We shall see a day when our vigilance will win our equality through out the world. With each victory we must take another step forward and not be content nor complacent but energized at the path and challenges that lay before us. Each journey must begin with a first step. This step above and beyond all others to follow will point you in the right direction. The first step for us was taking back our own self-dignity from those who had robbed it from us with hate, lies and fear. It must begin from within each and every one of us.Marcel Proust once wrote: "The real voyage of discovery, consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." In addition, Ghandi taught us "You must become the change you want to see." How has the repression of your speech, your affection, your being affected your dignity? Reflect upon the looking glass and find your truth, your love - your soul. Each one of us is a gift from God. Everything about us whether it is our appearance, our emotions, our instincts, our sexuality, all of them are gifts from God. Who dare suggest that we should suppress, convert or alter any thing rather than celebrating these gifts from God? When we look at ourselves, we can see the truth and love within us. With that vision held firmly in our hearts we also feel the pain of indifference, of discrimination, of hate, of fear, of inequality. However, we are no longer victims of these injustices for we now hold onto the truth and the love that survives everything. Our dignity allows us the freedom to be. To be who we are, wherever we are. We have courage and faith that we are not alone. That we will be protected and that somehow through the grace of God, those who persecute, condemn and kill us will see the truth and be forever changed.
We remain committed to equality of family rights. We have asked for your help repeatedly regarding the foster and adoption issues that are raging throughout the United States and many of you have responded. We are compelled to face another inequality in our system that falls under family rights as well. The right to marry legally. Make no mistake about it that this is a civil issue for us, not a religious one. Our church and the millions of others out there can wrestle with that. We do however, offer our Holy Union celebrated on Father's Day last year as a testimonial of our church's commitment to same-sex marriage. We are already married before the eyes of God and He continues to bless us. We will be fighting for civil marriage, along with all the benefits, privileges and shortcomings it possesses.
Does it make any sense at all; that if one of Adam's parents were in the intensive care unit, that he (at 3 1/2) would have the right to visit but could not be escorted by his other parent because there is no legal relationship bonding his two parents together. We do not think so. We will state our case with that being the tip of the iceberg. A case that we are both familiar with and victorious in, a case grounded in the best interests of the child. As we begin preparing for this battle, we ask you to prepare as well. We will need all of you. It starts through prayer and water cooler chatter. We can all begin today.
Our Children. Adam is thriving, Madison is about to become legally ours and Rosa moves in on June 27. In our next newsletter, we will share some stories and insights of the wonderful world of potty training, vocabulary and drivers education.
Jon and Michael. We just celebrated our 17th anniversary on April 16 and could not be happier (although the # 17 does make us feel a little old these days!)
Our book proposal was released last week and it has been very exciting. With in a week we will be announcing our new publisher.
So here is our schedule. It is great to connect with those of you from afar who support us along our journey, so come visit us if we come to your area.
May 4, 1999: East Stroudsberg University, East Stroudsberg, PA at 7:00pm.
The seminar is booked but we are still awaiting additional information. June 6, 1999: New Jersey Gay Pride. Details to follow.
June 20, 1999: New York Gay Pride Rally. Details to follow.
June 27, 1999: New York Gay Pride Parade. Details to follow.
July 1999: Again, we have decided that this is family month. Time for us to wind down, relax and just enjoy each other. Of course, we will see you at Belmar!
July 31 - Aug 7, 1999 Gay and Lesbian Family Week in Provincetown, Massachusetts. Come join our family and hundreds like us for a wonderful week of sun and fun. Of course, there will be workshops galore for those of you who just can't rest!In the end, truth and love always win…..
Always,
Jon, Michael, Rosa, Adam and Madison
The Galluccio Family