"BE THE CHANGE" - Michael Galluccio, Sept. 26, 1998, accepting the Human Rights Campaign National Family Civil Rights Award in Minneapolis. We used a quote from Mahatma Ghandi to open our September newsletter. "We must become the change we wish to see." This quote has had a significant effect on our outlook these days. So, when we received the National Family Civil Rights Award, we felt compelled to share it. "Be the change"For us it means, be equal if you want to be treated equally. If you accept less, than you will be less. Of course, we had each other when we began our journey towards full equality but none of us is alone, none of us. It is what being American is all about. We are one big family with a common goal of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. So be proud, be free and above all VOTE.
Those of you who follow along will know that we left off in our September letter with a cliffhanger about a new addition to our family… Rosa. She is the 16-year-old biological sister of Madison. We first met last August. It was not the original plan but for over a year we have been getting to know one another, to love one another. We are proud to say that spiritually, emotionally and mentally she is our daughter, a daughter of the heart. Although she lives in Ridgewood, she is with us as often as possible. Having a teenage daughter around has certainly added some new and exciting challenges to our life, especially a daughter like Rosa. She is fierce, phat, the bomb (all 3 mean really cool or groovy for those of you not in the know). She is a young lady who, despite the obstacles of her past, is making something of herself. We see it all the time. Besides being drop dead gorgeous, she is very intelligent (which she is almost ready to admit). She loves working with children and plans on being involved with them as a career. Whether it is running a day care or being a pediatrician, looking after children is in her future (as soon as she gets off the phone, that is!) She has begun calling us Dad and Father and nothing sounds sweeter. Adam and Madison love having a big sister. When she is not around all we here is Rosa, Rosa, Rosa of course that's in between verses of Happy Birthday Uncle Michael (which Adam has been singing for over a year and now Madison joins him!).
Speaking of Adam and Happy Birthday, Adam is now 3! On September 18, we celebrated Adam's birthday in a big way in Washington DC. He started the morning with presents in our hotel room. Then we had a great family breakfast before heading over to speak at OutVote '98. At the end of our speech, Adam came out and 800 people sung Happy Birthday to him as he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. Of course he grabbed the microphone and sang Happy Birthday to himself too (at the top of his lungs). After that, we had a little lunch and the kids had a nap before we headed to the National Zoo to see the elephants! The celebration continued through dinner with more singing and all. We all enjoyed his birthday that's for sure. Of course, Adam telling father, for the first time, that he loved him "to the moon" was it for Michael.
We would bring you up to speed with the potty training progress but that would require progress….when he's ready. Obviously a case of his time - not ours - which in all honesty is ok by us. Oh yeah, Adam has started nursery school again! Again, Jon is class dad and Adam is already the teachers pet.
Madison is doing very well in the potty training area; the girl is amazing. Everyone told us girls develop more quickly and they were not kidding. She is quite the "Chatty Cathy" and has a definite flair for the dramatic. She actually throws her backhand to her forehead and exclaims, "Oh my goodness." Whether she is showing you her serious face or her funny face you can not help but fall in love with her. Her imagination is really growing now as she gets more creative while playing. It is nice to have private time with her now that Adam is back in school. She is quite different when she is not copying her big brother!
Our book proposal is really coming along nicely. We had some experimenting to do first but we have found our voice and direction and are really creating an exciting book. Contract negotiations between producers continue with the movie as well. When there is more to report we will. The good news is that both projects continue to move forward albeit slowly.
Our trip to Washington D.C. went extremely well. It was interesting juggling meetings and the kids. Keeping the kids blueberries off our white shirts before our first event was a feat in itself. Luckily, Nana was along to offer a world of support. We began the week as panelists for the National ACLU Gay and Lesbian Rights Project panel on Defending Gay and Lesbian Families. This was for the ACLU Foundation Annual National Briefing. We then spent two days on Capitol Hill. We met with 12 members of the House and Senate or their staff when necessary. Our purpose was simply to thank those who have been supportive of our family and families like ours as well as question those who are not. We were very pleased with our meetings with Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA), Senator John Kerry (D-MA), Congressman Bill Pascrell (D-NJ), Congressman Steve Rothman (D-NJ), Senator Bob Torricelli (D-NJ), Senator Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) and their staff's. We were also pleased to meet with the senior staff's of Senator Bob Kerrey (D-NE), Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA), Congressman Richard Gephardt (D-MO) and even Congressman Chet Edwards (R-TX) and Congressman Charles Taylor (R-NC).
Our only disappointment was Congresswoman Marge Roukema (R-NJ). One would think with all the exposure she must have had to our case and son's history, not to mention the exposure to the outpouring of public support, that she would have compassion in her heart. Yet she voted to ban homosexuals (code word: unmarried couples) from adopting and participating in foster care in Washington D.C. (Largent Amendment). She voted against the very thing we fought so hard to win in New Jersey. She voted the party line. The same party line that would dissolve our family and make it illegal for us to raise our children. So many children still need homes. She would deny good homes to these most precious and helpless Americans. Those of you who live in her district, we beg you to think twice before ever voting for her again. Let her hear your surprise and disappointment. She is not the woman she once was. She seems now to be a tired, puppet for the Republican Religious Reich.
Of course, she would not even see us. Her Legislative Director claimed no knowledge of any of the topics we were there to discuss. At least we began a dialogue though and that is the first step. There were several who would not even take that first step like Congressman Rodney Frelinghuysen (R-NJ), Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX), Senator Lauch Faircloth (R-NC), Congressman Robert Livingston (R-LA) and Congressman David Obey (D-WI).
One thing, this, our first trip to Washington D.C. taught us was that we cannot sit by and let the radical conservatives take control of our government. Some of the legislation they propose is too hateful to imagine. These people are counting on the fact that we will not get out and vote this coming November. They think they will win House and Senate seats to apathy on our parts. We all need to get to the polls, as is our responsibility to our families. It also taught us that this would not be our last trip to Washington.
Amazing how political we have gotten, huh? It is just that it is so important. Last thing on the political front. There are two New Jersey Congressmen, up for re-election this year, which we would like to mention. They are both good men who vote with wisdom, fairness and integrity. They are two men who deserve your support. Please come out in November for Congressman Bill Pascrell and Congressman Steve Rothman. The next few months should be exciting as the Holiday's approach (and Jon turns 35). We have a few things on the calendar and more calls coming in every week. For now
Oct. 17 9:00am to 4:30pm "A Vision of Gay and Lesbian Parenting: Our Families in the 21st Century" Lambda Families of NJ parenting conference held at Morristown Unitarian Fellowship in Morristown, New Jersey. Join us for this exciting and informative event where we will be speaking. Call (973) 763-8511 for registration information or email to: LFNJConf98@aol.com
Nov. 14 7:00pm, We are presenting awards at the Heritage of Pride Gay Pride Thank You Party held at the Roxy in NYC.
Nov 21 Princeton University Charity Masquerade Ball details to follow.
Dec. 2 8:00pm, NYACN (New York Advertising and Communications Network) guest speakers. New York Gay and Lesbian Community Center Swing Space, Lil' West 12th and Hudson Streets, NY. For program information call: (212) 462-9255
Dec. 15 8:00pm Guest speakers at the Bergen County chapter of P-FLAG. Meeting at Temple Beth Or, 56 Ridgewood Road, Washington Township, NJ. For more information, please contact Lillian Epstein at 201-652-2287.We co-wrote the following editorial, which was published in the Washington Blade on Adam's birthday, Sept. 18th. We thought you might like it.
A REAL GIFT FOR ADAM
For most children, turning three is a normal part of growing up. For Adam it is no less than a miracle. When he was born, Adam tested positive for HIV and Hepatitis C, among other infections. At birth, Adam was seriously addicted to crack and had been heavily exposed to several other drugs. He nearly died several times. Much of his early life was spent in the hospital under strict supervision. Life has not been easy but now this healthy toddler announces proudly, " I'M THREE!"At his young age, Adam has become quite notable. Not as a result of his miraculous development, but through a different battle. A battle we, his parents, had to wage against the state of New Jersey on his behalf.
We are Jon and Michael. Men who, in their early 30's, had rid themselves of the internal homophobic demons that reinforced the idea gay men could not be fathers. Adam became our son. The State acknowledged that we were outstanding foster parents to the baby. So good that the Division of Youth and Family Services, recommended that we to adopt him. A lifelong dream was being realized.
Soon, things started falling apart. The Division told us that we could not adopt Adam as a couple. State policy said that "unmarried" couples could not adopt a child together. They stated that since Michael was employed (Jon stayed at home as Adam's primary caregiver) he should proceed alone. Jon could petition later for a second parent adoption.
This option was unfair and wrong, wrong for us but also not in Adam's best interest. Were Michael to die, Jon would not have the right even to seek custody of Adam. Our child could lose both parents. Moreover, the State's position virtually negated our sixteen-year relationship and our family.
We sued the State of New Jersey and won. We were able to adopt Adam jointly. In an out of court settlement, New Jersey became the first state in the nation to have an official policy that put unmarried couples on equal footing with married heterosexual couples, in the matter of adoption. The Division's own director would announce how pleased she was with the new policy because it would create additional families to care for the thousands of children abandoned to the State.
In many ways we are still fighting for Adam, only he has come to represent so many more children. He represents the ones "lost" in foster care because they are too sick, too old or the wrong race. There are so many children in state run homes because there aren't enough families to take them all.
Now, helpless children being used as political pawns. They are prisoners of a crusade by the "Republican Religious Right" to rid; or shall we say "cure", the nation of homosexuality.
One of the more vocal players in this "religious war" is the Family Research Council. They claim to be motivated by compassion. However, their own newsletter, "Culture Facts", which attacked our family, in a column entitled "Who's Raising Adam", unmasks this compassion as hatred and bigotry. We imagine they must find Adam's success quite upsetting. It must be hard to accept that God chose homosexuals to help bring this boy to life. We wrote a letter to the Family Research Council President, Gary L. Bauer, but have received no response.
So what is our third birthday gift to Adam? This year he'll get a trip to the zoo! Not just any zoo, we are taking him to the wonderful National Zoo in Washington D.C. Adam loves animals and is already talking about seeing the elephants. Because GLBT families are under siege, we will be travelling to the nation's capitol to speak at the National ACLU Briefing on September 16th. We will also be speaking at OutVote98, sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign on September 18th. Both of these focus on family issues. We will also be meeting with Senators and members of Congress to introduce them to our family. A family that is under attack through appropriations bill amendments, advertising campaigns and private newsletters, among other ways.
Both in the halls of Congress and in the National Zoo we will show Washington, and the world, that we are an American family. Our gift to Adam will not just be a trip to the zoo, but a lesson in democracy as we exercise our right to be heard on Capitol Hill. It may take a few years before he appreciates Congress as much as he does the pandas, but if we all stand up now for America's lost children and the parents who would adopt them, Adam will grow up to be glad.
So join us at the ZOO in celebrating Adam's 3rd birthday on the 18th. Adam, our child, who has come to represent so much, would love to see you and so would we. God Bless.
Last thing; as you might imagine, mailing these letters to nearly 1000 people every month gets quite expensive (not to mention that we are out of family and friends willing to help stuff envelopes and stick labels). We would appreciate it if some of you would be willing (able) to receive this electronically through email. If so, please go to our website, sign our mailing list and then email us notifying that we may stop sending a hard copy.
Until next month, be well.
Love always,
Jon, Michael, Adam, & Madison